Sustain me Oh Lord

I am so dead.. The past month and beyond I have been yearning to feel God and to have this burning desire to need and want Him, just something was in the way. Tonight, God has really shown me that that thing is worry. I used to never be someone to stress and worry about things but many these past couple of months I have become quite the worry wort... I have worried about my grades and worried that God wouldn't provide for Kenya or that he wouldn't provide for housing next year. Anything that I have been given the opportunity to worry about, I have. I have greatly grown to hate that about myself, I just didn't know how to get away from it. Despite all the times that I have doubted that God would provide, He has come through and provided each and every time and I know that once again, no matter the answer, He will continue to provide in some way or another tomorrow morning when I hear about who I will be living with next year. I don't deserve the way He has consistently sustained me over the past three or so months when all I have done is remove my trust in Him.
There were two things that have really struck me hard tonight:

• I have been going to a bible study on Thursday nights and tonight Allie shared her heart about how she came to know Jesus and while I know that I know that I know I am a follower of Christ lately with all my worry and lack of trust I have greatly doubted God and have known that I have been dead for quite some time, but now I truly understand that I am dead. We are going through Colossians and today we were in 2:6-15 but the verses that really hit home were 13 and 14...

When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, 

He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all or 

transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us;

and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. 

Colossians 2:13-14

Even though I have heard these verses over and over again, I cannot get over the fact that even though I was dead in my sin, so dead that Christ couldn't even associate or look at me, He has entirely and completely forgotten and forgiven me for everything I have done wrong and all that I will do wrong... He has nailed it to the cross. Wow.. That hurts to even think about MY sin being nailed to the cross... It is amazing. His grace is magnificent! 

• Second, I was reading my dear friends blog tonight and she just recently posted about kind of the same thing I am experiencing right now and the verse she used really hit home. It is such a strange feeling to me because not a lot of things have been able to do that lately.. 

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;

He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Psalm 55:22

I am so grateful for a God that strengthens me and for a God that will carry my burdens so I no longer have to worry. 

God, today I give you all my worries, all my cares, all my burdens. 

Sustain me Oh Lord.