Sustain me Oh Lord

I am so dead.. The past month and beyond I have been yearning to feel God and to have this burning desire to need and want Him, just something was in the way. Tonight, God has really shown me that that thing is worry. I used to never be someone to stress and worry about things but many these past couple of months I have become quite the worry wort... I have worried about my grades and worried that God wouldn't provide for Kenya or that he wouldn't provide for housing next year. Anything that I have been given the opportunity to worry about, I have. I have greatly grown to hate that about myself, I just didn't know how to get away from it. Despite all the times that I have doubted that God would provide, He has come through and provided each and every time and I know that once again, no matter the answer, He will continue to provide in some way or another tomorrow morning when I hear about who I will be living with next year. I don't deserve the way He has consistently sustained me over the past three or so months when all I have done is remove my trust in Him.
There were two things that have really struck me hard tonight:

• I have been going to a bible study on Thursday nights and tonight Allie shared her heart about how she came to know Jesus and while I know that I know that I know I am a follower of Christ lately with all my worry and lack of trust I have greatly doubted God and have known that I have been dead for quite some time, but now I truly understand that I am dead. We are going through Colossians and today we were in 2:6-15 but the verses that really hit home were 13 and 14...

When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, 

He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all or 

transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us;

and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. 

Colossians 2:13-14

Even though I have heard these verses over and over again, I cannot get over the fact that even though I was dead in my sin, so dead that Christ couldn't even associate or look at me, He has entirely and completely forgotten and forgiven me for everything I have done wrong and all that I will do wrong... He has nailed it to the cross. Wow.. That hurts to even think about MY sin being nailed to the cross... It is amazing. His grace is magnificent! 

• Second, I was reading my dear friends blog tonight and she just recently posted about kind of the same thing I am experiencing right now and the verse she used really hit home. It is such a strange feeling to me because not a lot of things have been able to do that lately.. 

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;

He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Psalm 55:22

I am so grateful for a God that strengthens me and for a God that will carry my burdens so I no longer have to worry. 

God, today I give you all my worries, all my cares, all my burdens. 

Sustain me Oh Lord. 

The past week or so has been crazy. I am in desperate need of spring break. Only four more days of classes and then it begins! Even though I will be working for the majority of the break, it is will be such a relief to not have classes to worry about for a while!

The countdown is beginning for so many different things! Within the next four months I will be experiencing a lot of different things that I have never had the opportunity to before.

• For Christmas I got David tickets to go see a Brewers-Braves game. So we leave in 31 days to go to Atlanta! I am killing three birds with one stone here. One I have never been to a MLB game, two I have never been to Atlanta, and three the farthest I have ever driven is to Fort Smith... I am so excited though! Even bought a shirt for the game! 
• Just 60 days from now I will officially have my first year of college under my belt! What a relief! Only three more years and I will be graduated and coming back for a MAT in education! 
• In just 64 days I will be leaving for Kenya! Man, I cannot believe the time is already that close.. I feel like just yesterday I was making plans to start saving to buy my plane ticket! How crazy to think that I am already only 2 months from leaving! 

I am not certain about the other dates for sure, but in addition I will also be going to Chicago for my very first time this summer and moving into my first apartment! It has been so much fun to get to begin all the planning and getting to start picking out colors! 

The last thing I wanted to share was this picture of the outline of Africa. I thought it was really neat and I just love the words within it. I really hope that God will reveal to me the deeper picture of what Africa is while I am there this summer. 

It's only the beginning..

I have recently gotten really into reading other people's blogs and it has really made me want to start my own. I have no intentions of people actually reading mine. I basically just want to write for my own sake, in order to get my own thoughts in order. This will be a place that I share how I am growing in the Lord, how I am struggling and all of the wonderful journeys and opportunities that arrise.


Life AFRICA:
This summer I am going to embark on a month long journey to Nairobi, Kenya. Therefore, much of my posts up until that time will have to do with how I am preparing to be the feet of Christ there in the villages, orphanages, among fellow college students and where ever else Christ will allow me to be! I leave May 15th and I will return June 12th. I would love for you to join me in praying for several things:

• For the locals that I and the others who will be there come in contact with. Pray for God to begin softening their hearts now inorder for them to desire the good news when we get there. 
• For God to continue providing me with financial support. I am so close to reaching my goal, but for security reasons need to save about 500 more. 
• For my own heart to be softened. Pray that God would move in my life these last two and a half months before leaving and that I would be fully devoted to Him in all that I do. 

Thank you for the prayers that have been said and those that will be said.